Hi there!
So, I totally failed at Blogmas. I'm going to take a solid two minutes to explain why, and then move swiftly on and I'd love it if everyone could do the same!
My laptop died a horrific death. I blame the Publishing half of my third year because they made us use software that fully corrupted and wiped two other people's Macbook's. The software did the damage, so even though i luckily backed up most of my stuff I can't view it because I refuse to put my recently revamped and fixed Macbook through that trauma again. My blog post were written on my Macbook and I didn't think to back them up, so they're all gone. I might rewrite some of them sometime but at the end of the day I did fifteen posts in a row which is something pretty cool. Also, it did the intended purpose and had me find a new found appreciation for this blog. Having this safe space where I can write freely and as inconsistently as I please is so so helpful, especially now!
Moving swiftly on from the semi-failure that was Blogmas, I decided to do a little roundup of the year. It won't be as long as last year's because I don't want to share too much on such a public platform, but it'll be good!
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Let's kick it off by doing headlines, because I love these and they force you to think quick. So, here are mine for 2018:
I graduated with a 2:1
I set up my little craft venture
I started therapy again
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| This picture perfectly depicts my year: I jumped for joy, I was often behind the scenes/hair, and I did it all in a beautiful city (the only thing missing is the obscene amount of yellow I wore/bought/obtained/had and the doggos, always the doggos. * |
By graduating with a 2:1, I proved so many people wrong. I've been told for years that I wasn't the right 'type' of person to go to uni. Maybe it's because I came from a family where nobody had done that before (which is FINE, uni is really not for everyone and honestly I wouldn't do it again!), or maybe because some people just didn't want to see me succeed. But I fucking did it. I am so proud of me, and this serves as a massive 'I can' to pretty much anything life decides to throw at me. It gave me such a huge confidence boost and has instilled in me that I truly can and will achieve anything I put my mind to regardless of what other people might say. I killed uni, and even though I;m not working some slick grad job like so many wanted just to tick their box with, I'm doing really well.
Work-wise, I've found a job which doesn't pay the best but allows me to be creative, quick on my feet and myself. I've made the most wonderful friends through work and I'm networking with so many people. It's the best thing for me right now, the hours are very flexible and I make enough to live on. It allows me to pursue my side-ventures, hobbies and passions and assess what I do and don't want to do.
Even though I lost most of my friends once university was over, I've stayed in contact with the ones that matter. If we weren't on good talking by the end of the year I've kinda assumed you don't want to be in my 2019 and that's okay. Some people are best left in the past if they don't help you grow. For reasons I am unsure of, some left my life and I actually left others. People change, grow and move on and that's totally normal. I've learned to deal with these types of situations and I that's something I'm super proud of myself for. Once upon a time I would have over-thought every social interaction I've ever had, not unless it's bringing me joy or a serious issue I kinda just let things go. I've kept in good contact with most people, and to anyone reading this that I have been a bit rubbish with i am really sorry, but you know I care about and love having you in my life. I'm so lucky that i have so many pals that I don't need to see or talk to all the time, we just know that if we need to talk to the other we just can. So, to all of my wonderful friends thank you for making 2018 my most successful and wonderful year yet.
Bestitched. I won't say too much about this here because I do nothing but bang on about it. I am so so grateful to every single order, commission and bit of interest it's gained. I have hit such huge milestones with it already, and with my Etsy shop right around the corner I just want to take a second to address my long-term goals for it. I want it to become more than just a couple of scarves and blankets. I want it to be a real, fully-fledged thing. I've got a vision in my head and I'm not going to stop until I've done everything possible and given it my all (and then some!) I'm so excited to bring what was a tiny idea into 2019 and see it thrive. Because it will.
Me.
I've gone through stuff in the last twelve months, who hasn't? I've met some wonderful people, and even though some were fleeting and didn't stay with me all that long I am so so grateful to each and every one. Some are new, and they're coming with me into this year, others are being left in the box of yester-year and that's totally fine. I've worked on me so much this year - from medication, to managing my own happiness and making sure I'm okay before helping others. I've identified self-destructive behaviour and tendencies, and being aware of them I'm now finding new ways to deal with and inevitably stop them. It sounds so easy when I write it out, but it's been a year-long struggle and now I'm so so ready to work on making Beckie the best version she can be in this moment in time. If you want to know a little more I did a very good little Instagram post about my year (cheeky self-plug but also I don't want to repeat it). If you know me personally and I've opened up to you about my mental health you know it's been far from peachy the last few months, but I'm honestly feeling a bit better with each passing day.
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To summarise - the last year was a lot. But, I'm still here.
I haven't edited this at all, I think a raw stream-of-consciousness is the perfect form for this post. They're also my favourite to read, probably why I like Sylvia Plath and other wonderful, unedited and unfiltered writing as much as I do. So, this was 2018, onto 2019.
B.
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